3 years, 3 music videos, 13 musicians, 5 studios, 9 shows, 4 falls off a horse, 1 legal battle and many life-long friends after, my debut album ‘You can call me CC’ is finally yours now.

This album is an invitation, to call me by my nickname and use these songs as the soundtracks to your life.

I want to write about it properly at some point, but right now, I am a bit overwhelmed. In a day, (posting today) I will be having my album release show, and I just frantically finished making my dress, brewed heaps CCGB (Cc’s Ginger Beer) to sell as merch and have been deep in the show preparations and practice.

My first ever blog post, the album is out & show is today.

(FYI I’m very mad that distribution messed up my tracklisting, Bandcamp has the correct one.)

photo: Casey Yeoh, ‘Stop.’ live bts

Now that I’m getting all this press written about me/the album, why not start my own ‘blog’? Since social media is imo quite one-dimensional and artists are expected to become content creators now, this is the kind of content that I want to make.

So, where do I even begin?

I’ve been feeling anxiety-release-anxiety-release repeated over and over again in various scales and intensities.

I love me a good challenge. Like being a musician in general or learning how to canter on a horse in less than one week before shooting the ‘Can’t Help It’ music video. For that week I drove the same distance opposite-direction to mahi, I live between the city and Clevedon so I really enjoyed a change of scenery driving out to the wops. Instead of making myself look pretty, I was prepared to get muddy. I fell 5 times throughout that week, but now I know how to fall, and it’s not so scary anymore. Maybe I like the feeling of progress. I can trot and zig-zag around the cones now and do a rising trot confidently, I can also feel the bond between Royal (the horse) and me getting stronger, it’s such a special feeling.

photo: Micheal Nash, Kiri & CC @ Ness Valley Ranch ‘Can’t Help It’ MV bts

photo: Dano Fletcher, crew @ Ness Valley Ranch ‘Can’t Help It’ MV bts

Anyways, the anxiety feels like the nerves I get before I go on stage, that jittery feeling like you know you are forgetting something but don’t know what. These ‘what if’s’ rush through your head, with inkling feelings of regret. And then as soon as the first lyric comes out, I can zone in. When it’s all over, the relief triggers this joy which radiates and calls for celebration. Just to feel nervous again the next day. I was so nervous before going on RNZ a couple of weeks ago, we played 5 songs including 1 cover live-to-air and with interviews in between. In the band we had Adam Tobeck, Ruby Walsh & Joe Kaptein (pictured below), Micheal Howell and Francesca Parussini. Right after, I was so pumped and then later that night I was nervous again for a duo turned trio set with Joe on the left hand bass, drum machine and Rhodes with Ruby on bongos and percussion. They were coming back from the Palestine March and it worked out to be good timing so it was a cute intimate set at Flying Out for an in-store performance and record signing. It was my first-ever time signing records like that, I felt a lil imposter syndrome to be honest, because these people came out on a rainy day and bought my record for it to be signed and I’m sooooo grateful.

I’m working the hardest I’ve ever been but making the least money, draining my bank account for everything album-related, and it’s soooo worth it. Having my own record, a physical product with my face on it, is so mad. The fact that it’s in shops, in people’s homes… nuts.

With horse riding, the ‘what ifs’ probably regard falling off the horse, losing that connection in the reins and therefore losing control and balance. But now that I’ve fallen a few times, it’s not that daunting anymore. Sure, it hurts so bad, but knowing it’s bound to happen and not to fear it - has been the way for me to get through these never ending hurdles.

This has been the case since my first headliner gig at Big Fan in May last year, I wanted to kill two birds with one stone by rehearsing for the show and album recording at Roundhead in June. Sure, it was a bit ambitious but I had a feeling I had to do this. If I didn’t have that big of a band or that many songs I wanted to record, I probably wouldn’t have recorded at Roundhead - 14 songs in 2 days. BAM.

Francesca Parussini (right) and Jack Thirtle (left) recording at Roundhead by Frances Carter

I’ve also never worked that way before, and that wouldn’t have been the case if there were no limitations. I’ve only ever worked with producers before where it’s someone sitting behind the computer with their back facing you, while you sit on the couch hoping for the beat to inspire some lyric and your money for the session just goes tick tick ticking away.

I was lucky enough to be working with Noema through NZonair’s artist funding, and we found that our most productive sessions were face-to-face when we focused on the writing of the songs. We wrote ‘I Only Miss You When I’m Bored’ first, to drums. He hopped on the kit and figured out the pace and rhythm for the song - which was built out from the chorus “It’s weird that you’re not, obsessed with me”. It’s quite a soft, charming song for how petty it is. I could go on & on but I will write about the songs in detail some other time.

But yeah, timing throughout this whole process has all panned out to be ideal? - Although the dates and plans have been changed and pushed back every-single-time Casey Yeoh (manager) and I have a meeting, the whole process was actually extremely unconventional, slow, very unexpected and challenging. The writing, rehearsing and recording were probably the easiest because those things felt expressive, like instinct. Whereas the execution - working with people of differing opinions/egos, balancing serving music (being musically correct/musically make sense) vs serving the vision/story. An example is - you could argue that cutting between two drummers in a song is musically incorrect, you can tell they’ve been recorded with different kits in different sounding rooms and that was what I was told for ‘This Evening’s Affair’ but the drummer from the initial “jam” was Julien Dyne, and my drummer is Adam Tobeck. When we tried playing that song it didn’t hit the same as that initial “jam”, so I made sure to record the Roundhead band track of ‘This Evening’s Affair’ to be the same bpm (this song is the only song we recorded to a click) too. One night I decided to have a go at “producing” the stems myself because I couldn’t wait for my “producers” and I ended up staying up all night chopping up the song. The process was so seamless and I knew this was vision I wanted to lead with. That’s the point, to feel unease, uncertain, to chop and change just like my mind most times.

This entire process has been massive and it’s been impossible trying to sum it up in interviews. I like that RNZ said I was ‘taking the reins’ literally.

Since that first Big Fan show, I’ve been playing songs from the album with so many different variations. From a grand 8-piece band with horns and bv’s to a duo set with Joe on the left-hand bass, drum machine and Rhodes and I on my lil vocal processor working delay and harmony pedal - it’s allowed me to explore the depths of each song and figure out how I want to overdub, layer, and manipulate them. Another example of limitations causing creativity. For Cuba Dupa, my first show/festival out of town! We didn’t have the budget to fly our flute/sax player down to Welly with us so I decided to pick up the flute again after 10 years of not playing it and it sure was a moment. I even made a dress to match.

I can’t believe today is the day. It feels like the past 3 years have been leading up to tonight. We had a rehearsal at the venue yesterday and tonight I have Francesca Parussini on sax and flute, Finn Scholes on trumpet and vibes, Ruby Walsh on congas and percussion, Adam Tobeck on drums, Micheal Howell on bass and Joe Kaptein on keys. What a special group of people, I am truly honoured to share the stage with such talented musicians.

Looking back, the band has come such a long way and we’ve really developed our connection and the songs, I feel confident in these songs now, they just roll off my tongue.

To be honest, I started getting this extreme pain in my uterus really bad yesterday I almost cancelled the show. But I saw my Chinese doctor, she gave me accupuncture, mugwart burn and herbs and I feel okay now - just weak and still in pain, but way less intense. Shout out to my girl Casey Yeoh (aka KC YO) for holding it down, I LOVE THIS WOMAN SO MUCH, we have gone through so much together this past year. Best manager ever.

Cuba Dupa by Nicola Sandford

I’m overwhelmed with the support I’ve been receiving and hearing all your responses to the album. I’m SO GRATEFUL, thank you for listening, thank you for buying tickets, buying vinyl, for reading this and for sharing music around. You all keep the music alive.

Tonight I will play these songs like how it’s meant to be heard, live with the sparkling band with all the imperfections and quirks. Nganeko!!! I’m such a fan of this girl’s voice and I’m beyond excited to see her play! What a dream to share the stage with her.

There’s so much to do, so I gotta go <3 see you tonight, will write again soon.

Love,

Cc

Opening for Revulva by Sepi Toa